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Carla S - Feb 22 2021

Best Ever Dad Jokes

There are bad jokes, and then there are dad jokes. No matter how much you roll your eyes at them, these jokes always manage to get a few laughs out of everyone.

Dad jokes are a phenomena. They are dumb yet clever. They make you cringe and giggle in equal measure. People mock them, yet they adore them. They seem desperately uncool but remain extremely popular. They embarrass the kids while the dads feel proud. They are a part of every family’s conversations and yet universal enough to have hashtags dedicated to them.

You can love dad jokes or hate them, but there’s definitely no way you can ignore them. Whether you’re telling them to your kids, your significant other, or a group of friends, these jokes will surely get a giggle out of them!

We’ve put together some of the best dad jokes on the internet for you. They are easy to remember and super quick to tell. Go ahead and enjoy! 

Best Dad Jokes about Food

  • Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up. 
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it! 
  • Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
  • What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
  • Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
  • Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged
  • What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
  • Do you want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
  • What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
  • I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
  • I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy.
  • What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where's my popcorn?
  • What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  • I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.
  • I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
  • What did the Ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? "Close the door, I'm dressing!"
  • I never buy pre-shredded cheese. Because doing it yourself is grate.
  • What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese
  • I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  • A can of Diet Coke hit me in the head today. Don't worry; I didn't get hurt. It was a soft drink.
  • When the grocery store clerk asked me if I wanted the milk in a bag, I told him, "No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton!"
  • Did you know the first French fries were actually not cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  • Why do the French eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well!
  • How do you help a lemon that's sick? Give them Lemon aid!
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  • Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs
  • What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
  • How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You will see one later and one in a while.
  • Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
  • What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? He said, "Put it on my bill."
  • What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
  • If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
  • What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
  • How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
  • Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
  • Do you know the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
  • What do you call a rabbit that has fleas? Bugs Bunny.
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  • Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  • Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it!
  • How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
  • A man walked into an apiary and asked the beekeeper for a dozen bees. The beekeeper said to him, "Sure, and I'll throw in the 13th as a freebie."
  • Do you know what's smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee!
  • Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
  • Do you know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
  • Do you know what to call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
  • Do you know what the buffalo said to his son when he dropped him off at school? "Bison."
  • Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
  • What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block.
  • Do you know what you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  • What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator!
  • What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
  • What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
  • What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
  • What sound does a witch's car make? Broom broom!
  • Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
  • Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
  • Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!
  • Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
  • What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!
  • Do you know the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a badly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  • Why did the Invisible Man refuse the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
  • What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
  • Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
  • Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  • What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
  • Why does Peter Pan always keep flying? He neverlands!
  • Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
  • Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  • What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  • Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
  • What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. 
  • Can February march? No, but April May!
  • Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
  • I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
  • Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
  • If you saw a robbery at an Apple Store, would it make you an iWitness?!
  • I just found out I'm colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
  • I accidentally dropped my pillow on the floor. I think it has a concushion.
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
  • I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
  • The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
  • I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!
  • The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  • I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
  • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
  • I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust!
  • I'm so good at sleeping; I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • I don't trust stairs. They are always up to something.
  • My hotel tried to charge me extra for air conditioning. That wasn't cool.
  • My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
  • Some say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

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